Shock Collar Trainers: The Truth!
It is time, my pretties, for the truth.
The TRUTH. That some have been dying to hear!
My confession.
The “Shock Jock” does exist!!!…the transformation occurs with each full moon….but the fullest revelation comes each Hallow’s Eve when the witch electrifies her beasties with the mighty wand.
Beware, to go further reveals the terrifying truth…
Behold the horror of pain, fear and intimidation…so much juice that the learned helplessness of my darlings’ is unmistakable! (please imagine eerie musical score of your choice)
On my knees I tell you I do have a blatant disregard for “science-based” training, oh righteous ones. Despite my Bachelors Degree in Biology, 7 years in the veterinary industry and 17 years training….. I can not seem to bring myself to worship the higher god (would that be Victoria Stillwell?)
To deny the validity of all quadrants and dismiss natures design itself…it is just too much for my wicked, wicked ways.
My sins of Sloth like laziness are executed through the use of cell phones as I warn fellow ghouls of impending mayhem. E-mail shall forward my infamous eye of newt soup recipe to other trolls.
I will continue to use mechanical birds for transatlantic travel as rowing is far to dull. (and I can’t locate a decent wizard to repair my broom!) And when the wind soon blows her November gales….I will no longer gather wood and stoke the embers…
No, I shall march boldly to the thermostat and turn up the dial to warm my liar!
AND, when I train Canis familiaris…a remote collar will continue to be one of my many tools.
I can not tell a lie on this sacred eve…
YES! I am one lazy bitch.
I implore you to continue to pray for my depraved soul. Pray also for the tortured 3000 plus dogs and other lazy, stupid owners who have stirred this cauldron with me… My evil, magic wand will continue to transform frustration and hopelessness into happy and fuller lives.
I simply can not believe that the alternative path is more just… That euthanasia, drugs, months stretched into years of training or a lifetime on a harness and leash would of been the kinder alternative.
Curse Benjamin Franklin, Alexander Graham Bell, Louis Pasteur, Orville and Wilbur Wright and all the likes of them. Continue to curse new technologies and modern conveniences as you will. Curse all those who stretch possibility, defy imagination and do what is said to not be plausible…invention is certainly the work of lazy, evil minds. (plus, don’t you think it would be fun to go back to the days of bloodletting!)
BAWAHAHAHAH……..
special thanks to: Stacy Reynolds: hair and makeup, Maddie MacFarlane: set design & photography, Ron Reinert: direction and wicked camaraderie. Diva & Tom: always my delightful and patient companions.
Great pictures and well constructed!
Oh Robbin, I am just getting around to actually reading this blog from Halloween….love the pic and you do always have the most creative sense of humour! Lol….too cute! I wish all those that are so creeped out by such a humane tool could catch on and help fight the insanity to even think of banning ecollars!! Gee….
heheh! Thanks glad everyone enjoyed my humor. I’ll have to come up with something for April Fools. 😉
Hahahahaaaaaa great Halloween surprise indeed.
I’m glad to see you can be as mean as I am. What a relief. I thought I was the only barricade-bitch. And why do people say that like it’s a bad thing I’ll never understand! Hahahahaaa
Frankly I used to be a little jealous at the calm you keep replying gently to all the insults that are freely dispensed on e-collar trainers. Why should we always keep our cool when they think it is freelee allowed to back-stab, lie, manipulate & offend?
So let it out girl… So did I when, after two years of positive training lies and a final advice to euthanize my dog, an e-collar trainer named Bart Bellon solved the problem in 20 minutes!
I sort of really got angry after that….
In the end the whole “barricade-bitch thing” is their creation and we became what we are now because we love our dogs!
Love the chicken leg and Diva’s serious expression. When you wrote this column Diva & Tom were probably sitting by your side saying… “Yeah Robin Go, You rock, and add that too, just serve it up!”
Ok, you are hilarious!!! I love it and the picture is so darling! Diva is such a DIVA!!! This cracked me up!
Robin, I’ve always loved your sense of humor and how you utilize it in educating the public and other trainers. It makes things fun and drives home the point that remote collar training is humane and the most effective way to train a dog. Nice job on the Halloween post and hopefully the wicked appearance will dissolve after Halloween because although still alluring, you’re a little spooky and evil looking here. : )