Shock Collar Trainers: The Truth!
It is time, my pretties, for the truth.
The TRUTH. That some have been dying to hear!
The “Shock Jock” does exist!!!…the transformation occurs with each full moon….but the fullest revelation comes each Hallow’s Eve when the witch electrifies her beasties with the mighty wand.
Beware, to go further reveals the terrifying truth…
Behold the horror of pain, fear and intimidation…so much juice that the learned helplessness of my darlings’ is unmistakable! (please imagine eerie musical score of your choice)
On my knees I tell you I do have a blatant disregard for “science-based” training, oh righteous ones. Despite my Bachelors Degree in Biology, 7 years in the veterinary industry and 17 years training….. I can not seem to bring myself to worship the higher god (would that be Victoria Stillwell?)
To deny the validity of all quadrants and dismiss natures design itself…it is just too much for my wicked, wicked ways.
My sins of Sloth like laziness are executed through the use of cell phones as I warn fellow ghouls of impending mayhem. E-mail shall forward my infamous eye of newt soup recipe to other trolls.
I will continue to use mechanical birds for transatlantic travel as rowing is far to dull. (and I can’t locate a decent wizard to repair my broom!) And when the wind soon blows her November gales….I will no longer gather wood and stoke the embers…
No, I shall march boldly to the thermostat and turn up the dial to warm my liar!
AND, when I train Canis familiaris…a remote collar will continue to be one of my many tools.
I can not tell a lie on this sacred eve…
YES! I am one lazy bitch.
I implore you to continue to pray for my depraved soul. Pray also for the tortured 3000 plus dogs and other lazy, stupid owners who have stirred this cauldron with me… My evil, magic wand will continue to transform frustration and hopelessness into happy and fuller lives.
I simply can not believe that the alternative path is more just… That euthanasia, drugs, months stretched into years of training or a lifetime on a harness and leash would of been the kinder alternative.
Curse Benjamin Franklin, Alexander Graham Bell, Louis Pasteur, Orville and Wilbur Wright and all the likes of them. Continue to curse new technologies and modern conveniences as you will. Curse all those who stretch possibility, defy imagination and do what is said to not be plausible…invention is certainly the work of lazy, evil minds. (plus, don’t you think it would be fun to go back to the days of bloodletting!)
special thanks to: Stacy Reynolds: hair and makeup, Maddie MacFarlane: set design & photography, Ron Reinert: direction and wicked camaraderie. Diva & Tom: always my delightful and patient companions.